Saturday, May 7, 2016

Mother's Day Presence

It isn't a typo, I promise. I really do know the difference between "presents" and "presence". But "presence" is my "present" this year....

..........In my home.

With the exception of a couple of professional days, my maternity leave will carry me to the end of the school year.

Then I am done.

I won't be returning to the school next year.

Education will continue to be a daily part of my life, but it will look completely different...Mostly because it will be me learning at the hands of the two most adorable little boys you have ever seen.

It was not a decision made lightly or flippantly.

I delivered newspapers in elementary school. I had a daily babysitting job in the eighth grade. I completed my first W-4 form and earned my first "official" paycheck when I was 15. I haven't been unemployed since...over 22 years of gainful employment (almost enough for retirement if they were all at the same place).  I worked my way through high school. I worked my way through college. I even, at times, worked two jobs. I moved 600 miles from everything I had ever known so I could work.

I wanted to make that clear because often the first thought about a woman who stays at home with her children is that she is lazy and doesn't want to work.

Now I work at changing diapers, feeding a baby, and cleaning up the mess from older baby feeding himself. I work at meal planning, grocery shopping, and dinner preparing. I work at laundry, and laundry, and laundry. I work at cleaning and organizing, and repeating the process as necessary. I work at reading stories and singing abc's and going for walks. I work at finding patience. I work at not dissolving in tears 20 times a day.

I know some amazing women who can do both, and do both excellently. I admire them, but I am not one of them. I lack the ability to split my focus without something falling through the cracks. Instead my life seemed constantly filled with guilt...guilt that I wasn't being the mother I should while I was at work, guilt that I wasn't being the teacher I should while I was with my family.

I don't exactly know what this new adventure will look like, but I know the journey will be an awesome one.

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